Monday, September 12, 2005

get into the groove

So I realize that I just dated myself by using the above song reference. But since I'll be turning another year older this week (like a whole year happened in the period of one week, but humor me and let me hold on to the last vestiges of 32 for just a few days more), I figured I'd better start practicing some old fart antics. Besides that, I really need to start boning up on ways to embarass my kids. It's in the job description, and I'd hate to disappoint. And what better way to embarass your kids than to spontaneously burst into '80's Madonna tunes. Preferably while lip-synching, sporting a lace glove, permed hair and gyrating wantonly with your nursing bra over your Old Navy end-of- the-season-bargain outfit. Really, it doesn't get much better than that.

And on the knitting front, ever-so-slowly, grasshopper has been mastering the zen of patiently untangling two skeins of yarn while progressing at a tortoise's pace on the padded footlet. Sadly, not enough progress to say footlets. Ideally, that will change tonight, when I hold a private SNB with myself. Likely there will be more B'ing than S'ing, but such has been the nature of this footlet. Besides, I've always preferred tortoises to frogs. And there have already been too many of those on this one diminutive footlet. Here's a close-up of the instep lace pattern. Very pretty, very innocent, unlike it's evil twin gone bad, the padded sole. But no more! This bad boy has finally been tamed. I finally memorized the sole pattern and got a slooooow and funky groove going on. 8 heel repeats down, 3 more to go! No SSS (second sock syndrome) here (which bears no resemblance to TSS. Except for the "syndrome" part. Man, stream of consciousness reveals some very bizarre stuff.). Absolutely no SSS allowed on this bad boy; elapsed time coupled with senior memory is a baaaad combination. Hopefully, if I'm a good girl, tomorrow will bring me a toe, a little kitchener stitch and the beginning of footlets, in plural.


Cel said...

Hi candsmom,
Thanks for the comment on my blog and for joing the ring! I thought no one will ever see it... lol And you are right, things we'll become very crazy around here in no time, so I have to knit as fast as I can. Also looking forward to meet you in person.

keohinani said...

the footlets are pretty. i like patterns that look hard, but are really easy. but unfortunately for me, i have major SSS. i've got lots of single socks that are looking for dates. too bad there's no online sock dating site, huh? i hear mis-matched socks are all the rage these days, so if you could just put a sock online that's looking for a mate, socks the world over would have homes. i can just see one of my socks' profiles now - single & ready to mingle: lonely sock looking for sole mate. har har har. and hey, you're not that old. i know that song, too. ;P

keohinani said...

here's an email i got from my mom that i thought you'd like, you young whipper-snapper! haha ;)

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning... uphill both ways .through year 'round blizzards ... carrying their younger siblings on their backs... to their one-room schoolhouse, where they maintained a Straight-A average despite their full-time, after-school job at the local textile mill... where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids ... about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!


Now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet ...we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves!

There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter....with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and f@#* it all up!

You want to hear about hardship? You couldn't just download porn! You had to bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7- 11! Those were your options!

We didn't have fancy shit like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, your drug dealer, you didn't know!!! You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Play station videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died! ... Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy sat in front of you and you couldn't see you were just screwed!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network!

You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning... D'ya hear what I'm Saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK, you spoiled little bastards!

We didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up... we had to use the stove ... imagine that! If we wanted popcorn... we had to use that stupid jiffy pop and shake it over the stove like an idiot forever.

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled, you guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980.

1980...i was conceived that year. haha.